Anyone who’s ever been stymied by bureaucracy knows the frustration of trying to get things done within the rigid confines of procedure and protocol. Such is the dilemma faced by the FBI agent of BESTSELLER who, as the title suggests, embarks on a vigilante styled investigation that leads her not only to a dangerous serial killer but a network of them which culminates in capturing their leader, the notorious ‘Iceman,’ whose handiwork she’s seen first hand as a child when she witnessed one of his cold blooded murders. In the unfolding of its story, the screenplay wrestles with the moral crossroads of the vigilante while also unspooling a complex criminal investigation that, as of this writing, only exists in pieces...
The Writing/Structure
Before delving into the meat and potatoes of the story itself, there are a number of different problems with the writing that will need to be addressed and should also help you as you refine your story. For the most part, you write in a spare, lean style that serves you well. Prose descriptions are efficient, action descriptions limited to their essential parts, and dialogue stays restrained to its essential function within the scenes. One problem, however, concerns redundancy. When you pour back over your story, you need to take note of the number of times that characters repeat things they’ve already said...
The critical problems with the writing of this script pertain to structure and a few words need to be said regarding the use of a few narrative devices such as flashback and fantasy. There’s nothing wrong with flashback, per se, but it needs to be wielded discriminately and there are a few general rules regarding its use that could help you...
The larger structural problems with your script could be focused on the 3 Act Paradigm but 3 Act Structure is obviously not a requirement for a good screenplay. Still, it is something that Industry Executives are aware of and it serves screenwriters very well toward organizing their storylines...
As an example, the first Act break would logically occur when TD tracks down Waller and discovers that he’s part of a network of serial killers...
Plot
This brings us to the nuts and bolts of the plot of your story and, to dive right in, the first readily apparent problem is that you’re not locking in your story in the critical early pages. Yes, TD’s run afoul of Rattigan again, we imagine she might be that little girl in the opening sequence but we don’t know, and she’s just learned of the reappearance of the ‘Iceman’ which only bolsters our assumption that she is that little girl...
That said, any number of the redundant scenes with Flynn should be cut in favor of showing her continued frustration with doing menial computer work before our big surprise which, of course, will be her stumbling on...
From this point forward, however, you’re going to have to pay close attention to the logic that builds the story and develop the mystery of these converging roads. In the present writing, there are any number of logical inconsistencies that you need to be aware of...
Another significant logic problem concerns TD’s actual police work...
Characters
Which brings us to character. It doesn’t need to be said that screenplays can live or die on the strength of their main characters and TD is generally a very compelling protagonist but she still has flaws that need to be accounted for. The pieces of her are all there but you’re going to need to refine her a little more. For example, she’s obviously a tough, smart woman but there are instances when she comes across as a little awkward...
But the most significant alteration in TD needs to come with her arc. We know that she settles an old score and drifts into vigilantism, but the screenplay isn’t developing either of these facets of her character in the way that it could. For example, if she’s going to really make peace with her past, she’s going to need to be more than a witness...
The secondary characters of this script of real significance would be Fred and, to a much lesser extent Roger. For reasons already stated, Fred is pushed a little too aggressively in the storyline and the constant return to the ‘Iceman’ is tipping us off too obviously to where this story is going...
Marketability
It goes without saying that stories about serial killers are always commodities in the film market and are essentially a genre unto itself. As presently constructed, there are still far too many problems with this script that would make it a viable commercial property but there is reason for optimism...
Pages Notes
p. 1 This is an artistic choice that you’ve made but it does raise some questions...
p. 4 This is our introductory scene wherein we learn that TD has run afoul of procedure and is going to be relegated to desk duty as punishment. As a general rule...
p. 8 As previously stated, this use of flashback doesn’t work and is a bit clumsy...
p. 5-14. We don’t get any window here into what the attraction is between Flynn and TD. One way to fix this could be...